like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
