just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
