Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dignity is for republicans.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
