So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
