What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
