scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
