Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
