The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
