i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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