What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize