at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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