he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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