i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
