her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
