You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
