I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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