I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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