oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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