Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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