apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
