oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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