At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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