his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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