I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
