this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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