it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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