He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
