the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize