Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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