everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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