i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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