omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
