i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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