took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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