i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
