Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
