Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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