Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
