Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
