I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize