woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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