I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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