your room smells of hookers.
And success
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
