Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
