So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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