I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
