great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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