I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
