she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's official drugs can't kill me
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
