I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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