I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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