dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize