I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
