I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
