oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
