Me. At least after what I've been through.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
