You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize