I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
