Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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