no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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