I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
