non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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