I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
