I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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