I heard we made out
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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