i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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