Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
