If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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