the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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