Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
