i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
