eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize