just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
