The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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