need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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